Managing responses to stress

Disconnection

Managers often benefit from setting high standards and protecting key initiatives. But disconnection can happen when individuals distance themselves from co-workers outside of their trusted circle because of pressure or fear of failure.

Leaders who notice that a manager is withdrawing – by, for example, avoiding key discussions – can consider these tactics:

• Model collaboration. Some people disconnect because they haven’t learned better ways of working. Leaders should model how to solve problems collaboratively, invite feedback and discuss alternatives without feeling threatened.
• Demonstrate principles. When individuals mistrust their leaders or feel that they haven’t seen enough behaviour reflecting their principles, leaders may need to visibly and genuinely show the values they stand for.
• Set firm consequences. In extreme cases, leaders must be more forceful than the fear driving the person’s behaviour. State that failure to reconnect will bring consequences and be ready to follow through.

Excess

Some individuals excel at driving change and challenging outdated approaches – qualities organisations often need. However, excess occurs when someone’s only response is to keep pushing for more change or ambition, despite negative consequences or lack of consensus.

If a difficult person is creating problems by pushing change too aggressively, leaders can try these tactics:

• Agenda alignment. Some difficult individuals need help aligning their priorities with those of the organisation. Leaders can be more transparent about the organisation’s top priorities and those that can wait.
• Ensure the fit. Leaders should assess if a person’s push for immediate, all-out change is truly needed. If so, they should support them: open doors, show visible backing and manage any fallout their approach creates.
• Model visionary leadership. For those applying excessive force, leaders can model a more visionary approach. Show them how to lead by inspiring others towards a goal.

Avoidance

Avoidance occurs when playing it safe becomes counterproductive. Under pressure or anxiety, a difficult person might focus too much on avoiding errors, dodging conflict or resisting change, leading to behaviours like micro-managing, or people-pleasing.

Key tactics for leaders include:

• Affirmation. This helps when worries cause someone to micro-manage or struggle under pressure. Leaders should model that no one is perfect and offer appreciation, encouragement and support.
• Understand what’s being maintained. Sometimes avoidance is about preserving the status quo, which is useful until change is needed. Leaders should pay close attention to what the person is trying to maintain; it may be vital, but they can often struggle to communicate its importance.
• Support with tough conversations. It can be hard to spot when a people-pleaser avoids having a challenging conversation with underperforming or misbehaving colleagues. Leaders can help them in planning the conversation, managing fallout and providing necessary support.

Natural responses

Stress strategies are natural responses to the often unseen pressures of working life. In challenging circumstances, any of us could over- or under-react, despite our best intentions, and end up being seen as too difficult to work with.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. With the right tactics, leaders can help even the most difficult people adopt more effective approaches to their tasks and relationships, without compromising who they are or losing sight of their values.